SUPERB_ Definitions

Wonderfully described definitions.......

CIGARETTE:
A pinch of tobacco
rolled in paper
with fire at one end
and a fool at the other!

MARRIAGE:
It's an agreement
wherein
a man loses his bachelor degree
and a woman gains her master

LECTURE:
An art of transmitting Information
from the notes of the lecturer
to the notes of students
without passing through the minds
of either

CONFERENCE: 
The confusion of one man
multiplied by the
number present

COMPROMISE:
The art of dividing
a cake in such a way that
everybody believes
he got the biggest piece

TEARS:
The hydraulic force by which
masculine will power is
defeated by feminine water-power!

DICTIONARY:
A place where divorce comes
before marriage

CONFERENCE ROOM:
A place where everybody talks,
nobody listens
and everybody disagrees later on

CLASSIC:
A book
which people praise,
but never read

SMILE:
A curve
that can set
a lot of things straight!

OFFICE:
A place
where you can relax
after your strenuous
home life

ETC: 
A sign
to make others believe
that you know
more than
you actually do

COMMITTEE:
Individuals
who can do
nothing individually
and sit to decide
that nothing can be done
together

EXPERIENCE:
The name
men give
to their
Mistakes

ATOM BOMB: 
An invention
to bring an end
to all
inventions

DIPLOMAT:
A person
who tells you
to go to hell
in such a way
that you actually look forward
to the trip

OPPORTUNIST:
A person
who starts taking bath
if he
accidentally falls
into a river

MISER:
A person
who lives poor
so that
he can die RICH!

FATHER:
A banker
provided by
nature

CRIMINAL:
A guy
no different
from the other,
unless he gets caught

BOSS:
Someone
who is early
when you are late
and late
when you are early

POLITICIAN: 
One who
shakes your hand
before elections
and your Confidence
Later

DOCTOR: 
A person
who kills
your ills
by pills,
and kills you
by his bills!

अम्मा जान - AMAZON

विभूति जी- तिवारी जी मुझे कुछ नये  कपड़े  चाहिये...

अंगूरी भाभी- भरभूती जी "अम्मा जान" से मंगवा लीजिये...

विभूति जी- भाभीजी Its not अम्मा जान its "AMAZON"..

अंगूरी भाभी- सही पकड़े हैं....

HOW THINGS CHANGE WITH TIME

Ten years back I went to the temple,
there was a big notice saying 'Mobile phones prohibited'.                              

Five years back it was changed to : 'Keep your mobile switched off'.      

Last year it read : 'Keep your mobile in Silent mode'.                                  

Yesterday when I went, it said : 'Selfie with the Lord, Rs. 500'. 😃😜📸

The reason for Less Rain

वरसाद ओछो थावनु कारण छे English medium नि वधति संख्या कारण......
 त्या "आव रे वरसाद" ने बदले
 "rain rain go away" शिखड़ाववा मा आवे छे अने नाना छोकरा ओ नु भगवन जल्दी संभाले छे..!!

😝😃😄😛😝😄😄

C.A.T Exam question

Question: Spell the word "COW" in 13 letters.

Scientists got mad calculating it..

Even Professors couldn't answer..

Lecturers said that it's a wrong query, printing mistake, etc.

Toppers got confused..

Average students' minds went blank cursing the question setters..

Below-Average students committed suicide, unable to solve it..

But Santa gave a cool answer..

"SEE O DOUBLE YOU"
😀😀😀😜😜😜😂😂

डॉक्टर and मरीज़

डॉक्टर मरीज़ से~ अगर तुम मेरी दावा से ठीक हो गए तो मुझे क्या इनाम दोगे ...
.
मरीज़~ साहब मैं तो बहुत गरीब आदमी हूँ , कब्र खोदता हूँ ... आपकी फ्री में खोद दूंगा ... !!!

Husband Wife Relax

Husband : Haju to ghar ma pag muku tya j taru bolvanu sharu thai jaay chhe... ketlu bole che..
Tane em na thay ke maro pati "bicharo" thakyo pakyo ghare aavyo che to thodi vaar ene relax thava daiye...?



Wife : Le , amaare relax na thavu hoy...! 😅😅😳😳😳😁😁😁😝😝😝😝😝

Google is a girl or a boy?

Teacher : Google is a girl or a boy..?
..
..
..
Student: Google is a Girl.....

Because it won't let you complete the whole sentence and start guessing, suggesting.....

AND

You ask only one question.....
But get hundreds of irrelevant answers in seconds...

Squeeze your brain

1          3          5

2          4          ?

But The answer is not 6 !!!

Think and answer....



THE ANSWER IS "R". 
Remember the Car Gear System.

This is why Gujarati's are adorable.

For rest of the world V/S For Gujarati's

Zero: Jheero
Tuition: toosan
Towel: Tooval
Station: Tason
Office: Hoffis
Program: Pogram
Risk: Riks
Special: Pecial
Friends: Friendo
Four: Phor
Fast: Phaas.. and in some cases Phaasam Phas!
Driver: Diver
Batsman: Best Man
Alarm: Alaraam
Shoes: Shooj

शादी का एक डेमो तो देख ले

एक बार एक आदमी अपने सबसे अच्छे दोस्त को घर पर खाने पे बुलाया .. ...
:
वो भी 7 बजे शाम को ऑफिस छुटने के बाद .....
.
:
वो भी बीवी को बिना बताए....
:
:
दोस्त को देखते ही बीवी का चिल्लाना शुरू ...
:
बीवी: मेरे बाल देखो...मैंने मेकअप नहीं किया हुआ,
घर की हालत देखो....मैं अभी तक गाऊन में हूँ
:
और मैं आज इतनी थकी हूँ कि रात का खाना नहीं बना सकती...
:
क्या सोच के तुमने अपने दोस्त को घर बुला लिया...मुझसे बिना पूछे .....बोलो ?
:
:
पति: क्योंकि , जानू ये बेवकूफ शादी करने की सोच रहा था..
:
मैंने कहा पगले पहले एक डेमो तो देख ले।।

आब तो मुस्करालो यारो खामोसी तो स्वर्ग मे भी है

सेब मीठा होना चाहिए, 
‘लाल’ तो 'आडवाणी' भी है।

राष्ट्रपति कलाम होना चाहिए, 
‘मुखर्जी’ तो रानी भी है।

लड़का द्रविड जैसा होना चाहिए, 
‘राहुल’ तो 'गांधी' भी है।

लड़का हँडसम होना चाहिए, 
‘स्मार्ट’ तो फोन भी होते हैं।

इंसान का दिल बड़ा होना चाहिए, 
‘छोटा’ तो भीम भी है।

लड़की में अक्ल होनी चाहिए, 
‘सूरत’ तो गुजरात में भी है।

रिप्लाई ढंग का होना हिए, 
‘Hmmm’ तो भैंस भी करती है।

व्यक्ति को समझदार होना चाहिए, 
‘सेंसेटिव’ तो टूथपेस्ट भी है।

घूमना तो हिल स्टेशन पर चाहिए, 
‘गोवा’ तो पान मसाला भी है।

दवाई ठीक करने के लिए होना चाहिए, 
‘टेबलेट’ तो सैमसंग का भी है।

मोबाइल जनरल मोड पर होना चाहिए, 
‘साइलेंट’ तो मनमोहन भी हैं।

टीचर ज्यादा नंबर देने वाला होना चाहिए, 
‘अंडा’ तो मुर्गी भी देती है।

फोन तो आईफोन होना चाहिए, 
‘S1, S2...S4’ तो ट्रेन के डिब्बे भी होते है।

इसको कहते है न्यू मेसेज..
 वरना न्यू तो दिल्ली भी है।

आब तो मुस्करालो यारो वर्ना 
खामोसी तो स्वर्ग मे भी है ।

कामयाबी तो रग रग मे दौड़ रही है

पप्पू ने ब्लड टेस्ट करवाया 
रिज़ल्ट आया 'A +' 
 सोच कर बड़ा अचरज हुआ 
कि साली कामयाबी तो रग रग मे दौड़ रही है .. 
 तो स्कुल मे 'C' क्यों मिलता था ?

SQL Select Query on Earth

SELECT * FROM Earth WHERE Girl = "SINGLE" AND Status = "AVAILABLE"

(0 row(s) affected)

SELECT * FROM Earth WHERE Boy = "SINGLE" AND Status = "AVAILABLE"

(System.outOfMemory.exception)

A Gujarati Company Owner was asked a Question by US TV channel: 
 "How do you Motivate ur Employees to be so much Punctual?" 

 He Smiles & Replies: 
"It's simple; I have 30 Employees and 20 free Parking spaces...and 10 paid.

Who betrayed whom

A couple decided to commit suicide. 
After a rough life, they decided to jump off of a building. 
When they got to the top, they both counted to three. 
The man jumped, but the woman stayed. 
She watched him drop for about 8 seconds 
AND then saw a parachute open. 

Now the question is .......
Who betrayed Whom?

Virus and AntiVirus

Boy: Pyar Ek Virus Hai
Mom: Aur Meri Chappal AntiVirus.

They both came back

I had a sparrow as a pet but it flew away one day...
Then I had a squirrel but it ran away too..
Then...I planted a tree and they both came back....

- Dr APJ Abdul Kalam

I had soda but a friend drank it & went away
I had papad but a friend ate it & went away
Then I got a bottle of daaru AND 
Both my friends came back & brought more soda & papad..

- Bako Bewdo

What Is Marriage?

Marriage Is A Fancy Word

For Adopting an Overgrown Male Child

Who Can not be Handled By

His Parents any More

SEEDHI BAAT NO BAKWAAS

Girl saw An quarium said: Why are fishes so beautiful?
Boy was drinking SPRITE and said: Becauze they don't wear clothes.!
SPRITE "SEEDHI BAAT NO BAKWAAS!"